QUALIFYING
(Discussing the latest Concorde Agreement and Mercedes' dissatisfaction)
DH: It doesn't seem to make any difference, does it, how much you've invested in the sport; "that's your lookout", I'm sure I can hear a certain small man saying to himself.
...
MB: I mean, Bernie's not everyone's cup of tea, but, he's 82 years old, his main device always is "divide and conquer", and he's been ace at it this time round, hasn't he?
MB: One driver said to me on the way home from Bahrain on the plane, "my granny could drive these cars", there's so little grip...
DH: That'd be interesting, wouldn't it? I'd like to see that! Maybe we should sign her up?
MB: That very same driver came out and supported the Pirelli thing during the...cos he obviously had to toe the corporate line of the particular team that he drives for, but I think the drivers are a bit frustrated when they're eight or nine seconds slower in the race than they were in qualifying.
SL: Busy pit lane right now. Johnny Herbert didn't wear a vest like myself and Damon, and will now have to do the rest of the show like this with his hands clamped to his sides!
JH: Oh, thanks! Oh, thanks, buddy!
(General chortling and amusement)
DH: It's all right for you, I've got to stand next to him!
JH: Well, [the teams] won't know where they need to be because of the temperature. I think Damon, you had a look at the track temperature and it was at...
DH: Well, I wasn't going to tell you, but it's 38 degrees...
JH: I know you weren't! That's why I asked you!
DH: It's a secret!
MB: Tell me!
(Discussing the technical updates for this race)
TK: We can also have a look at these little winglets here, which I like to call "eyebrow" winglets. I'm sure McLaren will call them something else...
SL: We've found something to sort Johnny Herbert's problem out!
(The Force India sporting director is blasting JH's armpits with a gigantic cooling contraption)
SL: His roles are many and varied...
(Q1 starts and not a lot happens)
MB: This is looking like a spaghetti western right now, isn't it? They're all hangin' out quietly, just keeping out of the midday sun, and then all of a sudden they'll come out shooting in a little while.
...
DCr: Ted! Still not very noisy with you.
(An engine fires up literally in the middle of his sentence)
TK: Oh, I beg to differ!
DCr: Oh, really (!)
(di Resta goes wide)
MB: I'm not sure he has any fillings in his teeth, but it does rattle them out - he's too young for that, I guess.
(And again, at Turn 3, allowing Martin to revisit an old bugbear from a different angle)
MB: They're so lucky, cos that used to just be bumpy gravel, and you'd go straight into a wall and probably straight to hospital.
MB: There'll be plenty of bitching going on from many of these drivers when they get back into the pits of, like, "I don't understand this, what's happened? I've got no front grip!"
(I didn't know you could say "bitching" on Sky... -Ed)
(Charles Pic talks about Q1 and competing with the "Cat-ur-am")
MB: "Cat-uh-ham" - I heard it on CNN the other day as "Cayter-HAM", and I don't think they know that particular village too well around the world, do they?
(Thanks to a being known only as "The Stig" for flagging this one up for me.)
(Martin just ensures we didn't miss his previous, subtle, inferences about the presence of artificial grass strips lining the circuit)
MB: It's still pretty much a crosswind through that Turn 9, where they're really struggling not to run wide onto the...astroturf, carpet...call it what you will....fake grass...ability to be inaccurate and still get away with it. Call it whatever you want.
(Rosberg clumps a kerb heavily)
DCr: ...You really do start to feel that wind, specially if it is a bit of a crosswind--oof, dear! He felt that, Nico Rosberg! Probably took the wind out of him, going over the kerb so hard!
MB: Formula One cars are so clumsy at fifty miles an hour, and so are Formula One drivers, by the looks of it. You can't see the kerb when you get there in the things, and it's just a horrible part of the track to drive.
...
MB: Nico Rosberg then, about to clump that Turn 14 inside kerb, and yeah, he got the really big one, the "You can take a bit of kerb but you're not coming this far" kerb.
(I take no responsiblity for anyone who is losing their ability to comprehend the word "kerb" by this point -Ed)
MB: I would not be at all surprised to see Romain Grosjean win a Grand Prix this year. He seems as if he's got all the pace of Raikkonen, and they've got a great car.
THE RACE
(Discussing Lotus-Renault)
DH: They've always been an interesting team. I mean, I still think of them as Benetton, to be honest.
(On the grid, Martin gets adventurous)
MB: Right, let's dive in to...here's a lady, do you speak English? Let's have a Marty's Random Person...(he gets totally blanked)....no! She clearly doesn't speak English! Oh, I've got the wrong aftershave on. Do you speak English? (She indicates yes, but demurres) Ah, just a quick word? Right...that went well. I'm gonna try a man next. Oh, look at this dude looking cool, look. Do you speak English? No! Nobody speaks English! (He desperately accosts a passing photographer) There's Keith Sutton, he speaks English, of Sutton Photographic! Keith, who's going to win the race?
KS: It's going to be Maldonado.
MB: Maldonado? Right! (He moves on) Bernie, do you speak English? (Bernie Ecclestone, for it is he, looks at him like he's got two heads).
(He chats to Bernie and then, finally, finally, finally, finds a lady who speaks English and will talk to him for his MRP)
MB: Quick word, you're my first Marty's Random Person of the year, and you're obviously with Red Bull Racing. Are you from Red Bull?
MRP: No, I'm from Vienna, and so I like Vettel.
MB: So, we head down to Pastor Maldonado. I've got no idea if he's available. I've no idea if he's on the grid!
(Crofty finishes his intro)
DCr: We have a glorious race in prospect: Martin Brundle, who's wearing "Blank Me" by Brut as his aftershave this afternoon, I just can't wait for this to get going.
(Replay of the start from Alonso's car)
MB: This is going to be a great view, I'm looking forward to this! Watch Maldonado gently come over and leave him the width of a Ferrari plus a sheet of A4, basically, and Alonso says "that's more than enough".
(Kobayashi absolutely mugs Jenson Button for position)
MB: You know when you've been KKed, and that was absolutely fine. He went in there, the door was open and he walked through the door, and gave Jenson a little touch just to move him out of the way....
...
DCr: It's Kobayashi's way of making the corner, isn't it? Just bounce off the car to your right?
MB: We've seen him do it on many occasions, haven't we?
DCr: Glorious race at Suzuka where he used the hairpin to barge past Toro Rossos...
MB: "Just in case I run wide, I'll lean on you."
(Charles Pic retires instead of serving a drive-through)
MB: It's supposed to be through the pits, not through the garage...
MB: His first crash there - he's just crashed into the cameraman. Had his crash helmet on, fortunately.
(Read this one out loud, I think...)
DCr: It's victory for Williams, for Pastor, in Spain!
Showing posts with label Johnny Herbert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Johnny Herbert. Show all posts
Sunday, 13 May 2012
Sunday, 15 April 2012
China - The Quotes
QUALIFYING
BBC
(Of the braking zone in Turn 6)
DC: It's like being hit in the back of the helmet with a sledgehammer, when you give that first push on the brake pedal...
DC: I like Gary's expression there, more effort there in qualifying. It reminds me of my schooldays! "Must try harder."
BE: Did you ever have that when you were driving, from an engineer?
DC: Oh, constantly.
(Vettel is told he didn't make it through Q2)
DC: That hurts.
EJ: Where is that finger now, I ask? It's disappeared in one swoop!
JH: It's holding his helmet now...
DC: This is like Formula Ford racing, rather than Formula One, it's so close out there.
(Rosberg blows everybody's doors off)
BE: A [1] 35.1! A 35.1! That is a very rapid lap indeed!
(And then strolls off to get weighed before the flag drops)
DC: Just a thought, random thought, but if I was Rosberg, and I think I'm about to possibly have my first pole, I would hang around the garage for the team hug - if it happens - but he's just all alone, walking down to get weighed. Hasn't anyone told him? Hasn't he looked at the screens?
THE RACE
Sky
(Guest pundit Johnny Herbert is shown footage of his 1995 British GP win)
JoH: I'm just surprised it's not in black and white!
MB: A Formula One driver fits into a car like a hand fits into a glove.
(Of the pre-race parade on the pit straight)
SL: I saw an elf on a Segway, which you don't see every day, just going down there.
(Talking to Christian Horner)
MB: I hope you're going to reprimand [the team] for starting the engines while the boss is on the TV, for goodness sake.
CH: I think they do it as soon as they see you, Martin!
(On the grid)
MB: I would like to find a Mercedes-Benz driver...well, let's look for a whole bunch of cameras, and then we might just find a Merc-a-dees driver...(He queues for Rosberg and turns to his PR woman) We always bring him good luck, you know. I think you might have to get in there and, like, boot the others out...(Watching Rosberg speak to someone else) He'll never see where to brake at the first corner after that shirt, he'll be dazzled, won't he?
(Senna's engineer radios about how they need to get "through Massa")
DCr: Or 'round Massa', probably.
MB: Well, he tried 'through', didn't he, and it didn't work? Now he's got to go round him.
MB: Vettel, last year, the year before, he was perfect off the start. Perfect in qualifying. What is going on? It seems like his whole skillset has fallen away at the moment.
MB: Schumacher about to become the cork in the bottle, I reckon.
(Michael retires)
MB: Argh, oh! I haven't been this disappointed since Shrek 2. That is such a shame.
MB: The strategists' brains will be smoking, smoke coming out of their ears, working out when to stop a driver and where to feed him out into any sensible place on the track.
(Ted Kravitz breaks off for some team radio from Paul di Resta)
Engineer: Paul, we are definitely still in a race here. Definitely still in a race.
TK: Everyone's still in a race.
MB: As we expected, Jenson's in the pound seats.
MB: Look at Alonso. Because Hamilton's being held up behind Perez, he's right on the back of him. He's a magician! He just keeps on pulling something out of his hat. When he doesn't appear to have anything in his hat!
(Webber runs wide and very nearly flips arse over tit)
MB: As we watch Mark Webber, running, ouuugh, wow! Got plenty of air underneath that, didn't he? ... You don't wear your tyres out when you're flying through the air!
(Alonso runs wide on the marbles)
MB: I was watching - you were chatting away - and I was thinking "that's not gonna stay on the racetrack".
DCr: But, when you're a magician, even Harry Potter gets the odd spell wrong from time to time. Maybe it was one too many waves of the wand on that occasion.
MB: They've all driven - I think there's been some exquisite driving out there today. I mean, the side-by-sides, just tapping wheel rims, and not putting each other out of the race, and they're hard enough to drive by themselves, these things, without having to jockey around someone beside you.
MB: This is a big victory for Mercedes. They've been feeling pretty unloved in Formula One of late, with other teams cutting new deals in the Concorde Agreement for the future; this is an important marketplace for Mercedes-Benz, and that's very timely indeed, young Rosberg.
DCr: Martin, I know we'd all like to take home a trophy at the end of the day, what do you think of this one?
MB: Don't think it's the prettiest trophy I've ever seen, but it's...memorable, isn't it?
DCr: Rivals Jenson Button's fruit bowl, for his first win in Hungary...
(I would like to add an honourable mention to virtually everything in the BBC's F1 Forum show, which featured (among other things) some excellent banter about Eddie Jordan being texted by "George McCartney", Jakey-boy's iPad running out of battery, then using Twitter on his iPhone and carrying out a request to give Jenson Button a big kiss, EJ bodily shoving fans out of the way of the camera during the Mercedes segment, DC getting caught by a ravening pack of autograph hunters, and finishing with Lao the Chinese expert on English television coverage. Unfortunately he's only half right - I am beginning to agree with the popular opinion that the BBC has the better pre-race and post-race efforts, but Croft and Brundle are far superior to Edwards and Coulthard in race commentary, although I do think the BBC commentary team is improving as Edwards and DC get used to each other - and I also think that Sky's coverage was much improved by substituting the far more jovial presence of Johnny Herbert for Damon Hill. -Mak)
BBC
(Of the braking zone in Turn 6)
DC: It's like being hit in the back of the helmet with a sledgehammer, when you give that first push on the brake pedal...
DC: I like Gary's expression there, more effort there in qualifying. It reminds me of my schooldays! "Must try harder."
BE: Did you ever have that when you were driving, from an engineer?
DC: Oh, constantly.
(Vettel is told he didn't make it through Q2)
DC: That hurts.
EJ: Where is that finger now, I ask? It's disappeared in one swoop!
JH: It's holding his helmet now...
DC: This is like Formula Ford racing, rather than Formula One, it's so close out there.
(Rosberg blows everybody's doors off)
BE: A [1] 35.1! A 35.1! That is a very rapid lap indeed!
(And then strolls off to get weighed before the flag drops)
DC: Just a thought, random thought, but if I was Rosberg, and I think I'm about to possibly have my first pole, I would hang around the garage for the team hug - if it happens - but he's just all alone, walking down to get weighed. Hasn't anyone told him? Hasn't he looked at the screens?
THE RACE
Sky
(Guest pundit Johnny Herbert is shown footage of his 1995 British GP win)
JoH: I'm just surprised it's not in black and white!
MB: A Formula One driver fits into a car like a hand fits into a glove.
(Of the pre-race parade on the pit straight)
SL: I saw an elf on a Segway, which you don't see every day, just going down there.
(Talking to Christian Horner)
MB: I hope you're going to reprimand [the team] for starting the engines while the boss is on the TV, for goodness sake.
CH: I think they do it as soon as they see you, Martin!
(On the grid)
MB: I would like to find a Mercedes-Benz driver...well, let's look for a whole bunch of cameras, and then we might just find a Merc-a-dees driver...(He queues for Rosberg and turns to his PR woman) We always bring him good luck, you know. I think you might have to get in there and, like, boot the others out...(Watching Rosberg speak to someone else) He'll never see where to brake at the first corner after that shirt, he'll be dazzled, won't he?
(Senna's engineer radios about how they need to get "through Massa")
DCr: Or 'round Massa', probably.
MB: Well, he tried 'through', didn't he, and it didn't work? Now he's got to go round him.
MB: Vettel, last year, the year before, he was perfect off the start. Perfect in qualifying. What is going on? It seems like his whole skillset has fallen away at the moment.
MB: Schumacher about to become the cork in the bottle, I reckon.
(Michael retires)
MB: Argh, oh! I haven't been this disappointed since Shrek 2. That is such a shame.
MB: The strategists' brains will be smoking, smoke coming out of their ears, working out when to stop a driver and where to feed him out into any sensible place on the track.
(Ted Kravitz breaks off for some team radio from Paul di Resta)
Engineer: Paul, we are definitely still in a race here. Definitely still in a race.
TK: Everyone's still in a race.
MB: As we expected, Jenson's in the pound seats.
MB: Look at Alonso. Because Hamilton's being held up behind Perez, he's right on the back of him. He's a magician! He just keeps on pulling something out of his hat. When he doesn't appear to have anything in his hat!
(Webber runs wide and very nearly flips arse over tit)
MB: As we watch Mark Webber, running, ouuugh, wow! Got plenty of air underneath that, didn't he? ... You don't wear your tyres out when you're flying through the air!
(Alonso runs wide on the marbles)
MB: I was watching - you were chatting away - and I was thinking "that's not gonna stay on the racetrack".
DCr: But, when you're a magician, even Harry Potter gets the odd spell wrong from time to time. Maybe it was one too many waves of the wand on that occasion.
MB: They've all driven - I think there's been some exquisite driving out there today. I mean, the side-by-sides, just tapping wheel rims, and not putting each other out of the race, and they're hard enough to drive by themselves, these things, without having to jockey around someone beside you.
MB: This is a big victory for Mercedes. They've been feeling pretty unloved in Formula One of late, with other teams cutting new deals in the Concorde Agreement for the future; this is an important marketplace for Mercedes-Benz, and that's very timely indeed, young Rosberg.
DCr: Martin, I know we'd all like to take home a trophy at the end of the day, what do you think of this one?
MB: Don't think it's the prettiest trophy I've ever seen, but it's...memorable, isn't it?
DCr: Rivals Jenson Button's fruit bowl, for his first win in Hungary...
(I would like to add an honourable mention to virtually everything in the BBC's F1 Forum show, which featured (among other things) some excellent banter about Eddie Jordan being texted by "George McCartney", Jakey-boy's iPad running out of battery, then using Twitter on his iPhone and carrying out a request to give Jenson Button a big kiss, EJ bodily shoving fans out of the way of the camera during the Mercedes segment, DC getting caught by a ravening pack of autograph hunters, and finishing with Lao the Chinese expert on English television coverage. Unfortunately he's only half right - I am beginning to agree with the popular opinion that the BBC has the better pre-race and post-race efforts, but Croft and Brundle are far superior to Edwards and Coulthard in race commentary, although I do think the BBC commentary team is improving as Edwards and DC get used to each other - and I also think that Sky's coverage was much improved by substituting the far more jovial presence of Johnny Herbert for Damon Hill. -Mak)
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